Separation Anxiety

I'm going to speak to you about separation anxiety and how to deal with it appropriately. I will also speak to you about an experience I had with a child who suffered from separation anxiety.

It's not only children who suffer from separation anxiety, but the parents too, especially mothers. This is commonly because the mother's carried the baby for nine months in the womb, has bonded with their child and is worried that their child might not cope with being away from their mother (or father) for a period of time. This is a common feeling and concern for a parent. Separation anxiety, whether from a child or parent, is absolutely normal - it's nothing to be ashamed of whatsoever!

Some concerns parents may have is that they're returning to work too soon, therefore separating from their child too quickly; that there child isn't ready to be left in another person's care, especially a stranger. A parent wonders if their child will miss them and cry.
Do you remember mother's intuition and that they know whether their child is sad or angry? It's the same for children as far as their parents are concerned, especially their mothers.
When trying to find a child care centre in which to enroll your child, make sure you're both satisfied and comfortable with it. If you're happy and content and get along well with the staff, your child will too.
If you're unsure or uncomfortable with the centre and/or staff, your child most likely will, too. If you're feeling anxious about leaving your child with a carer, your child will know it and will probably want to stay with you to comfort you and make it all better again.

The child care centres are usually understanding and will accommodate the parents' anxiety/concerns and allow you to call a few times a day for updates on your child's progress. More than likely your child's progress will go something like, "Sam was a bit anxious when you first left, but settled in quite nicely once he got to know the other children, the routine and played some games."

The case of putting your child into someone else's care is always stressful and you need to do what is right for the both of you. If you're worried, you can always enroll your child into playgroup, where you stay with your child throughout the play session while your child gets to socialise with other children his or her age.
If after a while you feel comfortable about leaving your child, you can consider normal child care where you leave for a certain amount of time.
If you're breastfeeding, you can rest assured that most child care centres welcome mother's to come in at certain times and breastfeed your child. This is also a good way of slowly separating for certain amounts of time, and being assured that your child is being well looked after. I work at a playhouse and I can assure you that it's a great arrangement for both parent and child. I work with the over three's, though, so only one parent is there helping while there are at least two permanent staff present. The under two's group requires all parents to be present with their children.

I worked with a child who had separation anxiety and the first day I met her, she was clinging to her mother, not wanting her to leave. Once she'd said goodbye and her mother left, she was still unsettled, so I made myself available to her. She slowly came to me and the next day I was with her she'd transferred all of her separation anxiety from her mother to me - at least at child care. I then comforted her and made her feel secure and cared for. After a while, I began the process of trying to eliminate the separation anxiety.

She preferred to just play with me and not her peers, so I encouraged her to play with her peers whilst sitting on my lap, which went over a few weeks. Once she felt comfortable enough to get off my lap and play with them, I started distancing myself little by little, still assuring her that I was close by and she could come to me if needed. After about three months, the progress we'd made became very evident - she let go of her family member and run over to the set up tunnel and play in that for ages without a worry in the world!

When you're transitioning from parent to child care for the first time, do an orientation lasting for two or so weeks just to get the child used to the centre, staff, children and routines, and then after one or two days, or when you feel comfortable, excuse yourself for a few minutes while making yourself a cup of tea.

Once the child is finally settled, set a routine: arrive at child care at the same time each day and tell them when you'll be back (eg. "after lunch," "after nap time," "after afternoon tea time") and make sure you're consistent. If you say you're going to do something, follow through with it. If you have time, get to child care 15 minutes early so you can spend that time with your child, settling him or her into care for the day. Read a book, change his or her first nappy (diaper) for the day.
If you're going back to work full time, gradually reduce the time spent there until all you need to do is drop the child off. It's always good for both the parent and child to do one activity at care together before you leave, whether it be read a book, sing a song or two, changing his or her first nappy at care, doing a puzzle or playing in home corner together. An important thing for both parent and child is to say goodbye, even if the child's busy with what they're doing.

It is also important for the child to bring in something from home, whether it be a toy, their blanket, their favourite dummy, book or even your favourite shirt that you wear. This will act as a comforter for the child. A child care I worked at also had a 'about me' board, where they had pictures of the child and his or her immediate family. They also had a picture from a special event the child had, whether it be a birthday party, holiday or getting a new pet. The child can point at it and identify their family, what they did or their pet.
This 'about me' board contributes to their identity, sense of belonging and importance.

These are some descriptions of separation anxiety and some tips on how to deal with it. I hope they help you, a friend or family member.

Tokana.

Page Views - awesome!

Hey guys,

I just want to update you that we've had 202 blog views, which is an awesome feat and more than I could have ever asked for! I created this page thinking only one or two people would view it, and hoping it'd help/inspire them; but I didn't expect for this many blog views!

I'd like to make this experience even better for us all and provide you with even more information. I would also like to know what you'd like to see on this blog? It can be some observational videos, songs, a list of child rearing books?

I'll share with you more of my personal and professional experiences from separation anxiety, dependency, independence, working with children with ADHD and special needs.

In conclusion, thank you for visiting and making this blog popular. If you're someone who checks back regularly, thank you for doing so, and please, keep checking, as I'll be trying to make regular posts, and trying to answer any questions that I may get.

Tokana

Allergies and Diets

As I mentioned in my previous post, Elana's Pantry has quite a lot of gluten-free. Elana's Pantry is actually a treasure trove in some ways, as it has many recipes catering to a handful of diets, whether it be gluten-free (Coeliac Disease), the Paleolithic diet (abbv. Paleo aka the 'caveman' diet), the Agave diet (Agave is a sweetener that comes from the flower agave. To read more about Agave, visit WebMD - the truth about agave), Candida diet (a fungus of yeasts), dairy-free, egg free, and nut free.

As I have said, I enjoy discovering new recipes and trying them out, whether they're gluten or lactose (dairy) free. I made poppy seed and orange cupcakes for my 21st from a poppy seed and orange cake recipe, and I replaced the plain and self-raising flours with almond meal and some other kind of meal. I can't remember the name right now. I will update this once I remember. I haven't made them for a while, so my memory's a bit hazy. Anyway, I'd look up recipes from magazines, books and websites and decide to make them.

For my 21st I had invited a high-school friend and her son to my party, which was held beside the river. Her son was Coeliac (gluten intolerant) and so to accommodate him I made the gluten-free cupcakes. They didn't end up attending, but we all enjoyed the cupcakes.
It is recommended that you don't have a lot of gluten-free products if you're not supposed to be on the diet, but a bit isn't too bad. I love gluten-free products. As it turns out, I'm supposed to be on the gluten-free diet, but I'm not because even though I love the gluten-free products, I love my dairy products way too much to give them up!

For some more information about the Candida Diet, including recipes, you can visit The Candida Diet website.

For more information on the Paleo Diet, as well as recipes, you can visit the Paleo Diet webpage here.

Don't worry if you're finding it difficult to find a restaurant or food products in supermarkets to cater for your and/or loved one's needs; it's easy to make your own food from scratch, and it's much cheaper, too!
You can get your specialty flour from health food shops. Of course, supermarkets have some packets of almond flour, but they're small 250g to 500g bags, whereas you can buy in bulk from health food shops.

In conclusion, it's simple to make meals that cater for all diets and allergens; just substitute one or more ingredients, especially the flour! It's easier and costs less to make your own food than it is to eat out.

Until next time.

Tokana.

* I'm in no way a doctor and nor do I claim to be. My tips should not in any way be used in place of a dietitian's advice. You should always follow your doctor/dietitian's advice!
If you think you should be on a diet please consult your local GP.

Get involved!

Why not donate your unwanted goods to your local child care centre, or the one your child currently or used to attend instead of donating them to charity?
You'd be surprised at what would be useful to the child care centres!

You could donate your old clothes, toys that your child no longer plays with, plastic jewelry, plastic cups, saucers, plates and bowls, bedding, children's movies, books, puzzles, bikes, shoes, hats and sunglasses.

My mother had a little treasure trove (suitcase) of clothes and props that she'd use for drama, and which I brought along on one babysitting job. The children whom I was look after loved to play with the clothes, the handbags and sword!

Just before we moved from New South Wales to Victoria, we had a garage sale to rid ourselves of 80% of our possessions. As well as selling a good amount at the garage sale, we donated quite a bit of appropriate clothes and things to the local child care centre, at which I also volunteered. Among the things I donated was a big teddy bear.

Remember to keep all things you're donating appropriate to child care and to specific age groups and to remove all small toys, as they're choking hazards.

A lot of parents are always looking for new recipes and foods to try and ways to make their children eat their vegetables and fruit. There are even parents whose children are coeliac disease, which an intolerance to products containing gluten (a protein found in wheat, rye, barley and oats) and children with lactose intolerance. These parents are always looking for recipes that cater for their children/family's needs.
You can always gather parents that you know and share recipes and tips and tricks with one another.
You can gather and share recipes that cater to those allergens and intolerance's  You could even create your own recipes to cater to these specific needs. Parents of all backgrounds will be grateful for this and, depending on their schedules, be willing to participate. You can even put aside one night a week and cook seven meals in bulk and divide them among you, which has been done all over Australia.

You will be able to divide the cookbook among you, and you could even take it to the child care your child attends and have a meeting with both the director and cook, tell them what you've been doing and suggest that they could try one or two recipes out on the children and maybe incorporate them into their daily menu.
The director and/or cook may not agree to this, though, but hopefully they'll think that this is a brilliant idea.
You could even discuss with parents about doing a cooking experience with the children once a week and running this past the director. If the director agrees, she or he would then ask the cook for their opinion.

I made some gluten-free poppy seed and orange cupcakes for my 21st birthday (this was three years back) and they tasted fabulous - even better than the gluten-laden version! This is when I really fell in love with gluten-free products! As it appears, I should be on either a gluten-free or lactose-free diet anyway, but I love my dairy products to damn much to give them up!
Making the cupcakes were easy - I just substituted the plain flour and self-raising for almond meal and something else. Of course, I needed to use a smidgen self-raising flour to make it rise, but not a lot.

A great website that caters for the gluten-free diet is Elana's Pantry; which holds many gluten-free products ranging from breakfasts (muffins, scones, biscuits and cereals, etc.), soups, salads and dinners to desserts (cookies, cupcakes and pastries, etc.), even covering bread!
I haven't yet tried any of her recipes, as I've only used normal cake recipes, which I have molded into gluten-free cupcakes, but I intend to. I want to try the Deviled Eggs.

I have gathered many cake recipes from magazines, books and websites like www.taste.com.au. One cake I got from a book was a marble chocolate cake, which was absolutely scrumptious, if I do say so myself! It wasn't gluten or lactose-free, but it was... magnific!
Another dish I like to make is a chicken, ricotta and lemon pie. Again, it's not gluten or lactose-free, but it is good with spinach! However, I replaced the spinach with silverbeet, which works just as well.

That's all for this post, but if you have any questions or suggestions on anything in this post, please feel free to contact me (comment).

Until next time.

Tokana

The power of positive language vs. The power of negative language.

In this post, we're going to be talking about the power of positive language verses that of negative language.

Most parents cringe when they hear that another parents' approach is to not say 'no.' Most parents think that this means always saying yes, no matter what the request, and therefore, the child's going to run wild and grow up to be a spoiled brat. What's the advantages of that?

This, of course, is a misconception. We're not saying "yes" to every demand the child makes, but rather putting a positive spin on what we're saying, instead of the standard "no."

If a child is running in the house, instead of saying, "no, don't do that!" or "If you run in the house, you'll be punished in some way!" We're saying, "we use our walking feet inside." If the child's older (say, four or five years old) we'll elaborate on it. "We use our walking feet inside; our running feet are for outside play."

"We use our speaking voices for inside," or if a child is pointing at something and making sounds or are crying, trying to tell us something, we say, "use your words."

Instead of punishing someone for doing something that's undesirable, talk to them about why they did it.

If they use swear words, no matter where they are when they're saying, or who they're with, ask them why they said it and what they think it means. It's not putting them down or scolding them; it's communication.

Threatening someone is also something we should avoid, as this is also negative.

A threat is, "Don't do that, Dixon! If you hit your brother over the head with that block, you'll go straight to bed without dinner!" This is something that is a definite no-no, and it should be eliminated altogether!

Instead of telling someone what not to do, tell them what you'd like them to do instead.

Instead of saying, "Don't hit your brother over the head with the blocks!" Try saying, "Keep the blocks on the floor." Go further with that by saying, "I wonder what we could do with those blocks you have there."

If the child asks you why, you tell them, "hitting your brother over the head with the blocks will hurt."

Be aware of age appropriate language, too. If they're young (6 months to 3 years), you're going to make it simple for them. "Keep the blocks on the floor."

I had a two-year-old putting the drumsticks in her mouth, which was not hygienic! Instead of telling her, "sticks out of your mouth" or "yucky!" I suggested she hit the drums with the sticks.

If a child comes up to you and says that a peer is hitting them, thank them for coming up and telling you and then encourage that child to put their hand out and say, "Stop, I do not like that!" Keep an eye on the children, and if it happens again intervene yourself and tell the child that what they're doing is hurting your friend. Not theirs, but yours.

I used to say, "why are you hitting your friend?" But I was assuming that they were always friends. I didn't consider that one minute they were friends and the other they're not. Nor did I consider that the term "friendship" may have an entirely different meaning to children. Just because they're "not friends" one minute doesn't mean that they dislike that person. Some of the reasons were, "they're just not my friend right now."

Of course, this hurt the other child's feelings to be excluded from the group or game, even for that minute, and to "not be their friend" for that moment. Everything would be right as rain in a few moments.

Saying "why are you hitting my friend?" or "Why are you excluding my friend?" may provoke the response, "you're not my friend, either!" Because they may not want to play with you at that moment. They will also distinguish between their mother, father, aunt, uncle, sister, brother, cousin, friend and teacher.

Sometimes it's, "you're not my friend; you're the teacher!"

If a child's yelling or running inside, we say, "use your inside voice" or "use your walking feet inside."

This is the positive way of saying, "Stop! No running/yelling inside!"

I'm not saying the word "no" is entirely bad or unnecessary - when telling your child 'no' consider why you're saying it and whether the situation really requires the word.

Only use the words "no" and "stop" in emergencies. For example: a child is about to hit another child on the head with a wooden block. In this situation we'd say, "Stop!"

We also use our pleasant indoor voice, which is really sweet (not over-the-top sweet, though) and calm - we reserve our firm voice for when something needs to be stopped.

If a child is hitting or not sharing, ask them to share or remind them that their hands are for helping.

For example: if I had my own child care centre called Treehouse Pre-School and a child wasn't sharing some of the centre's toys, I'd say, "we share Treehouse's toys. Share with my friends."

Again, we're not assuming that they're all friends with one another, or that the child who is hogging the toy is friends with his or her peers at that very moment.

Children under the age of two don't know how to share, and therefore can't be expected to, so to solve this "sharing" problem we need to provide an appropriate number of the same toy. If you're going to have a truck, provide at least five trucks, if not ten, so there's no fighting.

Centres should already have a few little musical instruments (a drum and maracas, etc), but I brought in my set of plastic musical instruments (a big drum, maracas, recorder, tambourine etc), which I incorporated with the existing instruments and we had a jam session, which the children loved! One child in particular loved playing with my drum, as it was reasonably big. I got it for about $12 at Chickenfeed.

After I first brought it in, the two-year-old boy asked me, "did you bring in your drums?" So I knew that from then on I needed to bring in my percussion set every time he was there. I then learned the "hard way" that I needed to bring it in every time I went in. This child wasn't supposed to be in that day, so I didn't bring in my percussion instruments, but was caught by surprise to see him there. And the first thing he asked me before saying hello? "Did you bring in your drums?"

When it comes to instruments and the like, you need to encourage and remind children to be gentle, whether they're your things or the centre's.

It's the same when it comes to two-year-old's and babies - you need to constantly be keeping an eye on the children and you need to remind them to "be gentle with the baby." Mentioning the baby's name instead of "the baby" is always important to their identity and development.

Okay, to sum it all up:

• Use positive language when speaking to the children (and even your colleagues/other parents) and keep the words "no" and "stop" to a minimum - the emergencies. Demolish the word "naughty." Demolish punishment and threatening words. Putting children or your peers down is also something to demolish, as it lowers the children's self-esteem.
• Encourage the children to use their imaginations, to help, be independent, patient, gentle and be outgoing.
• Praise their efforts, even if they're not done to your satisfaction or the activity is not complete.
• Take photos of all children do or create (eg. Building a tower, digging a hole in the sand, baking a cake in the home corner.
• Display the photos and their artwork around the house or centre.
• Smile and use a gentle and calm tone and demeanor - children pick up on your body language and mood, and they'll react off of it.
• Remember to keep your language and actions clean - children see, hear and parrot everything - children are some of the best observers!

Until next time.

Tokana

Colour-in sheets vs. Imagination; doing something themselves or doing it for them...

Hello mums, dads, families and carers,

Here we're going to tackle some tough topics.

We'll discuss the advantages and disadvantages of colouring-in activity books and doing something for the child instead of encouraging them to do it themselves.

Colouring-in books are great! We can just sit them at the table with a colouring-in book and a case of pencils, crayons and textas, and know that they'll be preoccupied for at least an hour, if not more, giving us time to do some chores. For example: while the children are preoccupied, we're able to do the dishes, do the laundry, make the beds, sweep and mop the floors... We can even make a cuppa and read the newspaper!

Of course, as a child carer myself, I'm not promoting this; it's just an example.

Where, I ask you, is the imagination? Where's the great sense of accomplishment? Of course, it's great when you've managed to colour between the lines and cut in a straight line, but really, where's the sense of accomplishment and knowledge that this is they're work?

Colouring-in sheets aren't really they're work, are they? They're just colouring something in!

Why not encourage them to draw their favourite Disney/cartoon character and colour it in? It doesn't matter if it doesn't look "perfect;" that's they're work!

(I have a real problem with the word "perfect" because nothing's perfect!)

Now we come do doing things for the children, as in drawing something for them. It's great if you can create a picture and put it on display, and allowing the children to copy it onto their own piece of paper.

I volunteered at one centre and created a play experience: I read a story full of colourful pictures and I encouraged them to paint the chosen picture (a rainbow). Some of the children did so and others wanted to paint something entirely different. I was okay with that. As a child carer and parent, you have to be. This is what we call being flexible. I was okay with that because at least they were interested in something and were using their imaginations. The children who did attempt to paint the rainbow did well - they had a go and created their own version of the rainbow, which took up the entire page!

Why not encourage the children to draw/paint a picture to hang on the wall? It doesn't matter what it is - it's their artwork. If a child asks you to draw something, like a rabbit, encourage them to draw it, even if they don't think they know how. As I said, it doesn't matter what the end result is - it's their artwork and they worked hard at it. 

Society these days has conditioned us to think something looks very specific and nothing else - as a result, we don't use our imaginations and we get frustrated easily.

At the very same centre, I had a child who wanted me to draw him a Ben 10 watch, but I had no idea what a Ben 10 watch looked like, as I hadn't seen the show before! I encouraged him to draw it himself, but he refused, insisting that I draw it. I did so, but it wasn't right - a simple clock face was not a Ben 10 watch!

Of course, it was a great learning curve for me, because I now know what a Ben 10 watch looks like - it's black with two green triangles meeting in the middle. It's supposed to be powerful/magic. The watch allows Ben Tennyson to turn into various aliens. Who would've thought?

Child care centres don't really like bringing in commercial products, like Ben 10, Cars (the toy cars from the movie Cars), Bananas in Pajamas... saying that, though, I have seen many commercial products making their way into child care centres, and they have been doing so for over 20 years!

They'll play The Wiggles and Playschool CDs, to which the children can dance along; play with the Bananas in Pajamas... I was doing work placement and the centre had two Bananas in Pajamas toys, among other dolls, where the clothes were removable and had press studs. A group of children loved to dress and undress the dolls, as well as B1 and B2. I played with one child in particular who would ask me to do up the Bananas' clothes (do up the press studs), and so I did. I then gave it back to her, where after she ripped them open once again. It was a great game in which to enhance her fine motor skills!

Another child loved to be read a book on the Teletubbies, which I enjoyed reading to her.

Saying all this, I know parents love colouring-in paper, as they can get more things done without the children hassling them to look at something every 2 or so minutes and they'll do something if the child asks, but try encouraging them to draw something from their own imaginations, or how they perceive something to be/look like, and see the sense of accomplishment that they get from creating their own artwork.

Remember, it doesn't matter if it's not perfect, or they made a mess - it's their own artwork and they worked hard and had fun at it.

Until next time.

Tokana.

Hello again!

Hello again, parents, families and carers,

I'm so sorry I haven't posted anything for a while, but I have been busy, as I'm sure you all can understand.

I have completed my Certificate III in Children's Services, at last, and I have been looking for work, as well as volunteering.

I noticed that we've had 100+ views on this blog, which I am thrilled about, but I'm just sorry there's been a limited amount of blogs published. I will soon fix that, I hope, and post a lot more!

If you have any questions or suggestions, please submit them and I will address them to the best of my ability within a blog. I may have to include a link for you all to look up in relation to the blog/your question that's being answered, so you're better informed.

Tokana.